“Life lies a slow suicide” – Richey James Edwards.
Everyday I waken up and want to die. Life has been like this for 14 months or so now and nothing helps – drugs, pills, visiting family/friends, going to football, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists. It all started when I trusted people too much. I began trusting that all my “travel friends” were good and honest people. Until one person I met in November 2014, I believe I can still trust most of my travel friends.
When I found out that one of them (this nasty November 2014 child) was a compulsive liar, I was ready for death. I had been lied to, humiliated in public and private, my travel writing suffered more than anything as this was business for me. I didn’t care for the friendship anymore, but that person chose to lie not just in friendship but in business. One promised travel tips and help with learning a language, the other promised a guided tour of a city.
Others on the outside started to blame ME for that person’s lies. I had to block and report people to Google and other Social Media. It was not my fault that others chose to lie. That person, the first nasty creature to lie to me, for example, was somebody who I had ALWAYS been incredibly nice to. That is what made it so hard. At my best, I was treated as the worst person on earth. I am just so nice to others, too nice, but that is when you lose – by being nice. The nasty people win, the horrible ones, the overbearing wannabes, the GuruGods. The assholes win. While us nice people suffer, and end up suicidal or dead.
I’m surprised I am still alive. I want to die.
What is perhaps more upsetting is that I have been told I am no longer allowed to name and shame these people, how else will they know what they did wrong? I love naming and shaming people, if you do anything nasty or wrong to me on my journeys, you will be named and shamed. But it destroys me that I cannot name and shame these nasty ones, as I am so honest and open, probably the last remaining travel blogger to speak their mind, mention everything, hide nothing. Almost all other travel bloggers tell sneaky backhanded lies, they write private messages instead of public, they pretend to be GuruGods and then they stalk my family and friends.
I pray to God daily, I ask for answers, I beg for an apology. Why can that person not apologise? I think of this 24 hours a day and I have concluded that they must be too weak, or a Hitler type character if they cannot apologise. This is all I can compare them too. Anyone else would simply say “yes I lied. I am sorry about that. I didn’t know it would cause your suicide”.
If I die today, somebody out there knows the truth. They know what they did to me and how they ruined my happy, travel, tourist life.
Check my blogs from before June 2016 – they were mostly happy, travel blogs from remote and obscure places. Now I have no passion, nothing left. The blog may have returned to social media and regular posts for this month, but after that, there is no point anymore when nasty people just take advantage of my niceness and destroy me.
One of these days will be my last.
You ruined me. you ruined my life. Thanks for it.
What did I do to deserve people lying to me?