I am suicidal EVERYDAY. I want to die, but something has kept me alive. Maybe it’s talking to God or maybe it’s just knowing that I was honest and pure until I was cruelly lied to in 2016 by a “friend”. A friend notorious for the quotes:
“I didn’t know you were in my country” (you did).
“I can’t wait to see you again” (you didn’t want to).
“I moved to XXXX city” (no you didn’t – you liar).
“I will send you my travel tips on Friday” (you nasty person, I waited and waited for them – you KNEW how important it is to my business and happiness, then I visited that place bereft of your tips, when all my other real friends helped me in their towns).
“I didn’t lie” (Are you joking?? I have proof! You LIED and LIED and LIED trying to kill me).
By a friend who ridiculously now I am not “allowed to name” even though I am simply exposing what a liar did and what really happened to me. People hate my honesty and bluntness because they are too weak, too pussy, too scared to speak their minds.
The liar ruined me. I keep telling the story and I will keep telling it. Why I want to die every day. Why this blog ended. Why I don’t care anymore about anything. 16months on, the apology or admission from “Nasty liar” still hasn’t came. Why Not? I pray to God daily for the admission, apology and reason to come. Please tell me why.
I have concocted in my mind some reasons why Nasty decided to lie to such a nice man. A friendly, honest tourist, a travel writer on the move with passion. A nice man turned suicide victim after a string of lies. Along with my father’s advice, I concocted a list of reasons why NASTY lied to me and ruined ,my life forever. Writing pieces like this are ONLY to keep ME alive. I don’t care who reads them or any of that excrement. I just do this to keep myself alive. I didn’t lie. NASTY lied.
1.The person who lied was too weak to tell the truth
Perhaps that person is weak. Not mentally or emotionally strong enough to tell me the truth. Though this is a horrible reason I can accept it as I am the same in the opposite situation. I am strong when I am respected and spoken honestly to. I am weak when I am lied to. If anyone wants to weaken me then become my friend and lie to me and you will succeed. Nasty lied.
2.The person who lied has mental problems
Again I can understand this one as I have mental problems understanding liars. But then I thought if they had mental problems why didn’t they tell me?? They know I am honest and understanding and would accept mental problems as an excuse for their lies.
3.The person who lied is a compulsive liar
I thought about this option then decided it is wrong. They lied ONLY to me. I was the victim. They didn’t lie to others so it can’t be compulsive lying or their other friends would have been lied to many times as well and told the person they have a problem. So they cannot be a compulsive liar. Their other friends got the travel tips and the truth.
4.The person who lied faked our friendship
Again this seems unlikely as that person was always enthusiastic and keen to meet me on my journey. It doesn’t feel like our friendship was fake for the first 18 months. I was so confused as none of my other tourist friends lied. Only Nasty lied.
5. The person wanted to ruin me
Perhaps there was a deliberate sabotage here, something even more sinister at work. The friendship was faked ONLY to ruin me and my blog. Was it out of jealousy, even love? Why did they do it? Why lie to an honest travel writer. Maybe only to ruin me. Maybe this was the reason. It worked though – you RUINED my life with your lies. Truth would never have ruined me. TELL THE TRUTH.
6. The person was told by someone else to lie
If this is the reason that NASTY lied, then I guess I can accept it better if it came from a director or manager. It still won’t make me happy that Nasty lied, but at least it had some authority from elsewhere.
7. The person felt lying was easier
They felt it was the easy way out of a friendly situation so they lied. For me it was easier to tell the truth, but we are all different so perhaps they thought it was easier to lie, but then why do it to ME and not to others? I was the victim and loser here. I am so suicidal today.
“Pump it safer than, than a suicide, methadone pretty” – Manic Street Preachers.
8. The person felt lying would be less hurtful to me
I thought this might be the main reason initially as some people are scared and afraid to tell the truth to friends, thinking the truth will hurt them. The fact is the lies hurt me. Truth doesn’t hurt me. If the person did it for this reason though surely they would later be compassionate enough to apologise. Surely then this cannot be the reason. When I messaged NASTY to tel her she lied and please apologise her response was “no I didn’t lie”. But I had concrete proof of the lies!!! So why did they continue to lie??? The person could easily have said “Yes I lied. I’m sorry” and my suicide bid would never have happened and I would be happy.
9. The person is genuinely evil
This is the one option that is most plausible and viable. The fact is that nice people admit their wrongs, their mistakes and they apologise, especially when begged!! If anyone begs me for an apology when I did something wrong I will give them that apology. Therefore I haven’t yet had the apology so that person must be evil and full of hate.
I make a few mistakes in the last year and I apologised to everyone for them, including on live international radio! I have no problem admitting my own lies, my mistakes.
But in this scenario, I was honest and pure, then NASTY lied.
I want to die every day and one of these days will be my last, all because NASTY couldn’t admit their lies.
“No, I didn’t lie” – Nasty.
YOU DID. YOU DID. You wanted me dead, it is horrible,
Please please admit it. I only asked you for three things:
1.Admit you lied.
2.Apologise for it.
3.Give me a reason WHY you chose ME to lie to and not your other friends.
Why did you do it Nasty? Why?