“You’re looking for somewhere to belong;
you’re standing all alone.” – Jonas Berggren
Dress it all up as glory, you’re fooling nobody. I sometimes write one hundred poems into my diary each week and the best of them, I preach on here somehow, somewhere. In my mind, the pen remains mightier than the sword. But it’s a lonely life. This week I have spoken and had decent conversations with about 400 people. Just over 50 people a day. But the only reason I’m speaking to so many people is because perhaps I (and possibly they) are lonely. It doesn’t matter what language they speak, we need to belong.
“I’m so lonely, I’ve just got to let you know” – John Power.
“Your loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad” – Fleetwood Mac.
We pride ourselves on having loads of mates, being around others and trying to pretend we are popular. Nobody is popular. Not even God, or Michael Jackson, or David Beckham. They’re not that popular. They are just people on a planet, like you and me. And maybe, these people, get lonely too…
The last few weeks have been the loneliest part of my journey in a long time. I’m in Kazakhstan writing this and perhaps the aftermath of touring Auschwitz, Birkenau and the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone have influenced my thoughts recently. They were fairly sad and gory trips, but we knew that of course. Still, I sometimes go down the pub on my own and have a beer when I travel.
I met an old friend and workmate last week, Aneta from Poland. We worked together so many times, back since 2005. We chatted at length about life and we both went on similar paths. This week, I realised, I’ve got a bit too carried away with this lifestyle. Making money from blogging, reviewing tours, well the truth is – it’s all becoming a bit lonely and uninspiring now. I like change. I like changing jobs, countries. I detest routines. Perhaps now I have been a professional travel blogger for well over three years (with about 10 months of teaching in that time as well), a change may come. But really, I don’t know. I know I will always write about travel in some way. I just don’t know if it’s cool anymore. I mean who cares about the top 5 sights in Poznan or the top 8 places I did a poo?
The journey continues, come and meet me in Kyrgyzstan or wherever I go next.
I’m in a pub and the song “Losing my Religion” by REM just came on. I like that song.