Realistically this blog ended 12 months ago. Depression hit me hard and deep and I have been suicidal every day since. Life has been tough, hard to explain to others. Nothing worked. Medication, meditation, travelling, settling, psychiatrists, psychologists – they were all useless and probably aided my depression rather than decreased it. In December 2016, I decided to start a new project, Northern Irishman in Poland. I settled in Poland finally after all these years, the decision was made because of depression. I had depression here in Poland, so I didn’t feel like travelling any more, so I first settled in Brzezno in Gdansk, I had a lovely flat there.
But one day, I left it, left a suicide note, lay on tram tracks and was done. Something stopped me from killing myself and I am grateful I survived. I expected to get better. I expected an apology from those who lied and disrespected my travel blog. I still pray every day for that apology. Because the apology hasn’t arrived, I am suicidal daily. And yes I tried many other methods. The story of my depression I shared a few times in different ways but was lambasted for my honesty and for naming those involved. I am an honest guy, so I named and shamed at the time. I apologised for that on live radio and in personal messages. I later shared my story again, without the names, this is the story that explains why I was depressed for 13 monthsthis is the story that explains why I was depressed for 13 months.