Tuesday’s Travel Essentials: Growing A Beard!

What? So you’re telling me an essential aspect of travel is growing a beard. Well, kind of yes…I mean if you’ve ever travelled “properly” and you’re male, then your face doesn’t shave itself does it? Growing a beard on your travels for me is something that a guy must do at some point! Yes we might look ridiculous, silly, out of place, skint etc. But hey this is a lifestyle of travel and well I’m not packing a set of razors because I travel light, and I’ve rarely carried shaving foam anywhere…I use soap instead. Tuesday’s Travel Essentials for today then – growing a beard…

Why should you grow a beard on your travels?

Today I give you my eleven stone wall reasons why growing a beard is good thing to do on your travels…

1. It saves money – you don’t have to carry razors or soap or shaving foam, nor do you need to waste money buying them.

2. It saves time – so you’ve got to do a tour of an epic desert in Bolivia., the last thing on your mind is to spend 10 minutes in front of the mirror getting rid of hair.

3. Fashion – you’re gonna look cool. Let’s face it, you might even get a role in a film. Everyone loves an unshaven villain. James Bond looked much harder when he had stubble.

4. Growing a Beard is the sign of a real traveller – it’s the best way to prove you’ve lived in tents and mud huts for months, haven’t even seen a razor or a bar of soap and the nearest thing you got to a mirror was your reflection in a murky lake…congrats on the beard mate – you’re a real traveller now…

5. The ladies will LOVE it – say goodbye to being single – your beard becomes a sex magnet. Don’t forget to carry condoms just in case you end up showing the ladies your “underbeard” (which of course is also unshaven).

6. Disguise – Nobody that knows you will recognise you. You look nothing like your passport photograph. Your Mum will ask you to shave it off, but you didn’t hear her properly…

7. Finding the gold – once you’ve got your beard, all you need is an eye patch, a pirate’s costume and a cutlass and soon you’ll find the gold.

8. Safe from Thieves – thieves and pickpockets will think you are a tramp with absolutely no money and nothing worth stealing so you’ll not have any threat of getting mugged.

9. You will scare people – nobody wants to approach some smelly guy with a beard and ripped jeans, you’ll scare people off and have the world to yourself…

10. Pretend you are Jesus – It’s common knowledge that Jesus had a beard, convince people you’re the returning Lord. You’ll need to read your Bible inside out though and be ready for questions.

11. You’ll never cut your face by mistake – no risk as you won’t be touching your face with sharp objects so your skin stays intact.

There are a few downsides though…

1. Passport and visa problems because you look nothing like your passport photo.

2. You smell bad.

3. You end up eating bits of facial hair in your food.

4. People will ask you if you have any drugs.

5. While you might be a hit with the ladies, you might lose out on kissing quantities.

6. Your employer might put you in the cellar or on bin cleaning duty. You won’t be client facing until you’ve bought a set of razors.

So that’s my advice for today – lads grow a beard if you want to be a real traveller! The rule is 2 months. If you travel for less than 2 months then you’re excused – you’re allowed to shave. But if you travel for longer than 2 months, I’m afraid you’ve got to forget about mirrors and razors and get out there and see the real world. I’ve got work in the morning, I’m off to the bathroom for a quick shave 😉