When we travel sometimes we just get too carried away with the good things. It gets a bit ridiculous doesn’t it? I mean who really cares what the top 5 sights are in a city of a country? Who really cares which hostel is coolest to stay in? Nobody reads that sort of stuff and we only write about it because we think it’s cool. But it’s not. Nobody cares.
One thing that so called “travellers/tourists (same thing)” have in common with so called “normal people” is that we all go to the toilet. It’s natural to let the yellow juice out or pump out the brown excrement when it gets too much for our bodies to hold in. Yes, backpackers go to the toilet too and even cooler, we do our business in a variety of locations. Though I have never counted the number of toilets I’ve visited, I know it must be over 3,000 down the years. In fact it’s probably more. 5 toilet visits a day to 5 different toilets means a huge number of W.C.s have been visited on my journey. But which ones were the best? Where my number one wee wee? Which toilet was the best to do a shight in? From my journeys so far, these are my personal top 8 toilet experiences. Like them or flush them.
“Go let it out” – Oasis
1.Wee Wee in the World’s Largest Toilet Complex, Chongqing, China
One of the key sights I ticked off in China’s mighty Chongqing was to visit the world’s largest toilet complex. Rather than simply pop in for a quick 30 second urine emission, I actually did a mini tour of urinals and ended up doing three different wee wees in there to sample some of the real culture of this tremendous toilet complex.
You can read about my journey to the toilet in Chongqing here, the complex is housed in the crazy 24 hour theme park known as Foreigner Street. This was also one of my favourite pissing experiences and something I recommend doing.
2.Spontaneous Poo Poo in a Broccoli Field in East Sassafras, Australia
This is not strictly an actual toilet, but certainly an excretion experience I won’t forget. East Sassafras is a barely known place, but personally I won’t forget it. Endless days working on broccoli farms were amazing travel times and of course I miss those days. The craziest day was the one when I needed a large shit during my broccoli cutting run. I literally had to bomb it away from the tractor, pull off my gum boots, socks, pants and jeans and let it out.
It was quite a runny one, so I ended up dumping my pants. As the tractor came over the hill, if my work mates had glanced down they’d have seen me crouched down half naked letting it rip. There was no toilet roll so I used leaves, but not leaves that were close to the broccoli plants of course. I have a bit more decorum than that.
3. The Exquisite Toilet at Cafe Batavia, Jakarta, INDONESIA
I was backpacking in Jakarta with my friends Rodrigo and Martin in 2012 and we decided to head to the quaint Cafe Batavia for beers. Martin took a piss first and came back to say that we needed to go into the toilet just to see it.
On the walls of the toilet were pictures of all sorts of celebrities so as you urinate you get a real experience looking at famous people. The mirrors also allow you to admire your cock while it’s squirting. There were a few naked chicks on the walls too. I didn’t linger too long though, literally went in, took a wee wee self timer photo (above), a few quick snaps then washed my hands and left. Always wash your hands.
4. The World’s Highest Wee Wee in Taipei 101, TAIWAN
In 2009, Taipei 101 was still the world’s highest building and I got a lift to the top. I suddenly needed to burst my bladder with a wee wee so I went into the toilet. I found out that at the time it was the world’s highest official toilet.
Although I did question whether some mountain pissers in Bolivia, Nepal etc. might have been higher. But I stand by the fact, at the time, I was the highest person in the world urinating at that exact moment.
5. The “Too Good to Piss on” Bog in Greymouth, NEW ZEALAND
As I backpacked my way through New Zealand in 2010, I ended up doing quite a few poo poos and wee wees along the way. But at one point, the toilet in a restaurant in Greymouth was so damn artistic and good, I didn’t want to do a poo! So basically I did part of a wee wee then transferred toilets for the big one. Can you see why? DON’T FART ON ART.
6. Sheldon’s “Soweto Toilet” in Soweto, SOUTH AFRICA
This is a cool one on this list actually. When I spent a brace of weeks living in Soweto in South Africa in 2011, my barman and buddy was Sheldon. He came up with a special “SHOT” called a Sowetan Toilet. Basically it was in a shot glass with yellow liquer and bit of lumpy brown and some red liquer. The shot looked disgusting but was actually world class!
The recipe is a secret from my mate Sheldon but it really looks like a toilet!
7. Having a Beer in a Toilet in Gasadalur, FAROE ISLANDS
Recently in 2015, I was hiking to the village of Gasadalur in the Faroe Islands. I was with Katie, a US traveller. When we got to the village of Gasadalur, we had about 45 minutes to wait for a lift back and it was the wettest, coldest and windiest day for a while. The only public building in the village was a public toilet, so we went in there and had a beer each!
8. The Musical Toilet at Coles Beach, Tasmania, AUSTRALIA
Another entry in the toilet league for high flying Tasmania. Neither myself nor my work mate Pierre will ever forget the “Musical Toilet” at Coles Beach, or the two minute shower (barely time to get rid of the mud from broccoli harvesting!).
We were the cheapest travellers ever for a few months as we used to sleep by the beach here at Coles Beach and use the free shower (2 minutes of hot water only) and the free toilets. As a bonus the toilets sang! Don’t believe me, watch this video:
Other notable absentees include a toilet that I once blocked in Switzerland (really bad case of over-excretion sadly), the “willy toilet” where girls can loo through a window to see the man’s penis as he pisses in Jerusalem, Israel and a toilet in the side of the road in Armenia which was so disgusting I still smell the waft of it.
Also there was a crazy trip to Venice, where my ex girlfriend Noemi Linzenbold once took a photo of me fully nude on the toilet! What a crazy girl…I covered the bottom half of my willy to make it a bit more discreet.
I have a few good tips on doing a shit on your travels as well. It’s important to always carry toilet roll, go as soon as you need to, don’t smash a curry before a 12 hour night bus and always wash your hands. Got to cut this post short as I can feel a poo coming. Hope it’s not like one of my previous efforts…
Happy flushing and check out my favourite toilet videos!